“Of course you wouldn’t let me be master of my own mind.” After everything you’ve done to me-” I stop, my vision shifts, unfocused for a moment. I shake my head, stunned as I stare at him. He says nothing, but I see the tension in his jaw, the sudden jump of a vein under skin. “You’ve been stealing my memories,” I say to him, my voice unnaturally calm. My father’s face goes unexpectedly blank, and it’s the only reaction I need to understand the final, missing piece. I part my lips to speak, wonder if it’s safe to tell him the truth. I look up at him as if emerging from a dream. I jump, a little, at the unwelcome feel of my father’s hand on my arm, telling me I’ll feel better soon. I hear the loud, disconcerting sounds of my own breathing and the hard, heavy beats of my heart. The room feels large and cavernous, gleaming.

I hear the monitors chirping, the muffled sounds of voices around me. I’m strapped to a chair, my head held in place with heavy metal clamps. I followed my father into a room where he promised he’d explain everything.

They told me to forget, to forget the girls ever existed and, finally, tired of answering my questions, they told me they’d make things easier for me.

Ella and Emmaline, who they’d said had drowned in the lake. My memories collect and expand, exploding with renewed meaning as they assault me, all at once-Įlla, ripped away from me when I was seven years old. Time seems to slow down, speed up, spin backward. The revelation isn’t entirely new and yet-the pain is fresh. I feel frozen as the words settle around me.

Defy me pages